My Best Lifeline.

It sounds melodramatic to some when its said that music saves lives, but to me, its as much a fact as Gods existence is to those that are religious. I wake up and I reach for my iPod before even getting up out of bed. When I sit down to do my make-up, its with my music on. And as I'm blogging this now, my iTunes is open. And when I've showered and am just ready for my bed, I'll listen to my music until I fall asleep. I spend the majority of every single day with my earphones jammed in my ears.

So for those who think nothing of believing in God, or Aliens, or something else people have judged you for, or questioned, music does save lives because music helps you through life. When you're happy, or sad, or in that in-between mood when you're so up and down you're just exhausted, music is there. And there is at least one song, one line, one melody that makes everything okay again.

Music is a lifeline. And it's never not been there for me. And there are millions of other people with the same emotional attachment to the music they play in the world. So if that's not saving lives around the world, well . . . then I don't know what is.

Things Dreams are Made of.

When I was a little girl, I was a firm believer in fairies. I believed the story my Aunt told me, that when she was a young girl, a fairy flew up to her in her garden. At twenty, I know that she's somewhat an avid storyteller, and she'd probably deny her story if I were ever to bring it up now. Then a family friend told me that she saw a fairy, too. She told me that she was in the woods and nobody was around her, but she saw the fairy as it flew right past her. You can imagine how, at such a naive age, I lapped it up. But the thing was that she seemed really adamant that she saw that fairy, and I sometimes wonder whether she was telling the truth.

I promise I'm not a delusional person who still believes in fairies, and Santa Claus, but I do believe in dreams. And I know that when we were younger and we believed in fairies, or the Easter bunny, or even zombies, we weren't just being naive children, we were daring to believe that somewhere out there in the world were extraordinary things, things that seemed so magical inside the mundane life of a kid.

We wanted to believe that fairies were out there somewhere. We could almost see their pastel, glittering wings and pixie-like features inside our minds as if we were seeing them with our eyes open because it gave us something to imagine, to hope for, even. We were dreaming with our eyes open.

And now, so much tragedy surrounds us. And as people live in our world who kill other people in the most horrendous ways, and sick, evil people commit unforgivable crimes, I have never before missed those times more. That abilty to get lost in this world where beautiful things exist, where the ability to imagine allows you to get lost, because sometimes, it's not to be better than reality, right?

Our world is changing, and the war in Iraq probably won't be the last, and terrorists will likely plot yet more ways to cause devastation, and loss. Mother nature will take people away from us, and people who are sick, and twisted, will continue to kill people. But I'm glad that children have something to lose themselves in, their imagination, and get lost in a world where better things exist, where the world seems like a safe, and beautiful place to young minds, who have endless years ahead of them to witness what the world is really like. 

The Moment That

During every good book, every TV programme or film there's that one moment, that one simple line, or one long speech that just makes the movie. At one point, it will just hit you, and you're either hooked, or laughing so hard you never think you'll stop. Or you're crying, using the entire tissue box to soak up the mess. One moment that truly touches us. One moment when were either in the edge of our seats, or our hearts have catapulted in our chests. One moment when we're smiling with happiness, or through sheds of tears, but just that one moment. They have one and a half, maybe two hours to achieve that moment in a film, or anything from two hundred to five hundred in a book. One moment that truly reaches out to the person reading, or watching, and they feel this impact, and suddenly they remember each and every word. Those words become a quote you remember for the rest of your life. 

I am that over-emotional person. I only have to watch episodes of One Tree Hill, or Brothers & Sisters and I'm wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my jumper. I'm so easily touched, but it's the moments that affect me in such an emotional way that I live for when I watch or read something. And without that moment, I can't really count it as a success because its a moment where you truly connect with what's in front of you. 

More than anything, moments in TV and films have changed my life. They've inspired me. They've made me cry, at times uncontrollably. They've made me smile. Made me hope. And most of all, they've made me dream, and aspire to one day create something that touches the audience watching in the same way that I've felt during those great moments. 

Here are a few of my personal, top favourite quotes from films, and programmes that have been the ones to move me the most.

Enjoy . . .

- Lo x

A Walk to Remember;

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful." - [Landon Carter]

Coach Carter;

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - [Timo Cruz]

Armageddon;

"Baby, do you think its possible that anyone else in the world is doing this very same thing at this very same moment?"
"I hope so, otherwise, what the hell are we trying to save?" - [Grace and AJ]

Brothers & Sisters;

"You see, it's this. It's just sitting here together in a waiting room both of us trying to pretend that we're not scared, that's love. And well, not being able to concentrate writing a speech about the beauty of love, because you're so scared that you might lose it and nothing would ever be the same. And realising that the one place, the one place, that you feel most you is when you are lying next to her, just breathing." - [Robert McCallister]

Feast of Love;

"There is a story about the greek gods. They were bored, so they invented human beings, but they were still bored, so they invented love. Then they weren't bored any longer, so they decided to try love for themselves. And finally they invented laughter, so they could stand it." - [Harry Stevenson]

Sex and the City;

"After he left, I cried for a week. And then I realised, I do have faith. Faith in myself. Faith that I would one day meet someone who would be sure I was the one." - [Carrie Bradshaw]

The OC;

"Acknowledge me now, or lose me forever." - [Seth Cohen]

Eclipse;

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like, astronauts, president, or in my case, a princess. When we were ten, they asked again. We answered, a rock star, cowboy, or in my case, a gold medalist. But now that we're grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how about this. Who the hell knows? This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions; this is a time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love, a lot. Major in philosophy, because there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind, and change it again, because nothing's permanent. So, make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask what we want to be, we won't have to guess...we'll know." - [Jessica]

One Tree Hill;

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one." - [Peyton Sawyer]

The Notebook;

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out!" - [Noah]

Remember Me;

"If you could hear me, I would say that our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched." - [Tyler]

Seven Pounds;

"I lied to you, I think about dying every day." - [Ben Thomas]

P.S. I Love You;

"Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you." - [Gerry Kennedy]

Practical Magic;

"It was the curse, wasn't it? He died because I loved him so much." - [Sally Owens]

Crash;
"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something." - [Graham Waters]

In the Land of Women;
"There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you." - [Carter Webb]

Dear John;  

"Two weeks together, that's all it took, two weeks for me to fall for you." - [Savannah Curtis]

Walk the Line;

"Please sing."
"I'm asking you to marry me. I love you, June. Now I know I said and done a lotta things, that I hurt you, but I promise, I'll never do that again. I only want to take care of you. I will not leave you like that dutch boy with your finger in the dam."
[June shakes her head.]
"You're my best friend, Marry me."
"All right."
- [Johnny Cash and June]

Into the Wild;

"What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?" - [Christopher McCandless]

The Bucket List;

"The simplest thing is... I loved him. And I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing... When you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers! I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me but... the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life... And he knew it before I did." - [Edward Cole]

The Blind Side;

"You're changing that boy's life."
"No. He's changing mine." - [Leigh Anne Touhy]

The Secret Life of Bees;

"I killed my mother when I was four years old. She was all I ever wanted and I took her away." - [Lily Owens]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer;

"You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I'd prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker; I follow my blood, which doesn't always rush in the direction of my brain. So I've made a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, only one thing I've ever been sure of. You. Look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I tell you that I love you, it's not because I want you, or 'cause I can't have you, it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your strength, and your kindness, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."

"I don't... I don't want to be the one."
"I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear."- [Spike to Buffy]

Dirty Dancing;

"Sorry for the interruption, folks, but I always do the last dance of the season. This year somebody told me not to. So I'm gonna do my kind of dancin' with a great partner, who's not only a terrific dancer, but somebody... who's taught me... that there are people willing to stand up for other people no matter what it costs them. Somebody who's taught me about the kind of person I wanna be. Miss Frances Houseman." - [Johnny]

Eat Pray Love;

"Listen, balance, my darling, is not letting anybody love you less than you love yourself." - [Felipe]

The Adjustment Bureau;

"All I have are the choices I make, and I choose her, come what may." - [David Norris]

Happythankyoumoreplease;

"Sadness be gone, let's be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy, cause we are worthy" - [Annie]

Easy A;

"I might even lose my virginity to him. I don't know when will it happen. You know, maybe in five minutes, or tonight, or sixth months from now, or maybe on the night of our wedding. But the really amazing this is, it is nobody's goddamn business." - [Olive Penderghast]

A Cinderella Story;

"I know that guy that sent those emails is somewhere inside of you, but I can't wait for him... because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing." - [Sam Montgomery]

The Last Song;

"Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes it makes you love them more." - [Steve Miller]

What Comes Next?

Every day in life, we're reaching for something. Aiming for a goal. We're yearning to develop.
When we're born, we're learning how to survive. How to eat, drink, and sleep. And most of all, we're learning how to ask for help.
When we're a toddler we're learning for the first time how to stand on our own, how to take that first step and remain upright.

When we're four, we start school and education unravels. We're suddenly learning numbers and words, and places in the world.
When we're eleven, we're taking another leap in growing up. We're leaving behind a place that we've known for the last seven years, friends we've made, and suddenly we're starting a new school, a place where we're starting again.
At thirteen, we're learning change. Curves begin to develop and suddenly we need a bra because we have breasts. Our moods are like a roller coaster, and we have no control over these changes. Whether we like it or not, our bodies are changing, and we're growing more into an adult than ever before.
At sixteen, everything we've learned until now comes down to GCSE'S, and after that, we need to decide the next step. For the first time, we have options. We can leave education, or we can stay.What do we do next?
At eighteen, we're done with A Levels, or college, and now we have another big decision to make. What do we do next? Do we join the public services? Do we study media, and journalism? Do we become an air hostess, and travel the world via the air?
For some, University is what comes next. Three more years of education, but this time, its in a subject that appeals to us. For me that was writing. I studied script writing, and media, and I am not an academic person. I thrive when I'm allowed to do my own thing, so the idea that, after three years, I could be writing about the things that matter the most to me, I stayed. At times, I wanted to quit, believe me. But now here I am, with a not so great, but not tragic, 2:2 degree in Media Writing, and for the first time in a long time, I have no answer to that big question looming over me. What happens next?
During the first two years of University, I was told that I had talent. My pursuit for an agent, and a book deal, and my name on top of The New York Times Bestsellers List wasn't just a dream, it was a goal. It was encouraged. Someone that wasn't a blood relation had faith in me that I was talented, that I would survive, and that the dreams some called pipe dreams were achievable.
And then, during the final year at University, the bubble I'd been sat in suddenly popped, and I realised, I'm not alone. I may have talent and dedication on my side, but there are a lot of other talented people in the world who want the same goal. I won't be the first, or the last person to write that book we think is a bestseller. I won't be the first or the last person to think that there's a place for me in this world to make a name for myself. And I won't be the first or the last person to let self-doubt sink in.
Because for the first time in my life, I don't know what's next. I don't know how to quit my job in retail and put myself out there in the world. I don't know whether my dream job is within journalism, publishing, or PR. I don't know how to go from being student and part-time sales assistant to being Lo, the journalist, or Lo the best-selling author. I don't know if I'll move to America, if I'll have a wardrobe packed full of LouBoutins. I don't know whether my words and emotion will be enough to put into a song, or if someone, somewhere, will pick up my film script and believe in it. But I have to believe and hope.

So, for any person who has ever sat there and thought, 'What comes next?' and has no answer, this is what I have to tell you.
Since we were born, our lives have been dictated. We've been told to go to school, to study hard and to get good grades, and then when the time came, to choose a career that made us happy, or made us the most money. But no one told us how to get it. And there is no step-outline in the real world. And its packed full of competitiveness, and other talented people. But you just need to believe that you will get there, one day you will. And its scary putting your foot out there in the world and getting rejection, but lift your foot up and smack it back down again, persistence will pay off and great things will come to you.

We all need to believe that, because if we don't, then we doubt ourselves, and its when doubt starts to creep in that our dreams slowly fade away, and without dreams to strive for, what comes next?

Three Syllables.

I love you.

Three simple words; three syllables; no meaning. 

I've had three boyfriends that have told me that they love me, and I'm not sure either of them meant it. It's supposed to be this big moment in a relationship. The days turn into weeks, turning into months, and you grow in this relationship together and then you say it for the first time, and its like this rush of adrenaline. It takes you into the next stage of a relationship. But those three words that seem to mean to much can sometimes mean so little when we look back.
'Boyfriend Number 3' was the one who meant it the least. He's the kind of guy who, on the surface, is suave, and charming, his humour outrageous and addictive. He has a magnetic type of persona, pulling people towards him and his easy, laid-back attitude. But underneath it all he's scared of being alone. His bed notches aren't examples of the time when he was a player, or a man-whore. They're examples of him not wanting to be alone, nor in a relationship, but needing someone to fill a void in his life. And when the notches did turn into girlfriends, he adopted the same routine.
Date girl. Make girl fall. Tell girl he loved her. Leave Girl.
And at the time, I was caught up in this rush. It made me feel good to know he loved me, that he'd be the one guy to not hurt me, or make me feel insecure and inadequate. The I Love You came in a text, and as I read those three words, I remember feeling this skip in my heart beat. But he didn't mean it, not one of them words, not one syllable, because it was routine for him, habit. There came a time when it felt necessary to tell that girl he loved her, it was all part of his destructive routine. 

And you know, when I look back, I don't feel hurt, or sad, or heartbroken that he said those words to me that are meant to mean so much, because I'm not sure I meant them either. I was caught up by his charm, but if you were to strip that all away, he wasn't the guy I thought I loved. I was in 'love' with the idea of someone who wasn't real, and this guy was someone I would've never given the time of day to if I'd known, so he was a learning curve really, a learning curve that however perfect someone may seem, don't rush head on in there, because people also surprise you.

'Boyfriend Number 2' is the killer. I dated him for the smaller amount of time, but he had the biggest impact on me. For such a long time, I couldn't get over him, and when he moved on to his next girlfriend, and still showered me with attention, I was caught up in this hope that he'd pick me over her. I mean, come on, what was I thinking?! It's an unwritten rule that if a guy has a girlfriend and is still flirting with other girls, hes a complete twat! Right? Right. But it doesn't stop us from hoping, does it girls?

 And when he flirted, or led me on, I still hoped, I still let him have me dangling from his little finger, and I'm angry because I think that, even now, there's still this part of me that craves that attention, and whether that's because I still like him or not, I'm not sure. But I do know that sometimes in life you meet a person that you can never truly let go off, even when time passes.
And when I look back, I don't even remember the time that he told me he loved me, but I do know it was too soon. He probably didn't mean it, but I don't blame him. I was his first girlfriend, and relationships are a cliche. We're led to believe from our favourite rom-coms that the I Love You is needed. He was a newbie, and we were playing out a routine. Did I love him? I'm not sure. But I do know that whether it is a year, or two, or even ten down the line, if I ever run into him and he gives me that lazy, cheeky smile, he'll probably have the same impact on me. And it's not love, maybe it's lust, or an addiction.

'Boyfriend Number 1' - god is this boy a fuck-up. This was my first and longest relationship, and I was the one that was new to the term 'boyfriend'. And he showered me with meaningful texts, and promises of an eternal life together. It suffocated me, if I'm honest. I think I was too young for something so serious, so powerful, and I don't think I loved him, not as my boyfriend, but maybe as a friend, and that was confusing to comprehend at just sixteen.Especially when the feelings I had for his best friend were stronger than the ones I had for him.

But he was the most insecure, jealous, and unsteady guy I think I've ever met. He's a male with a female perspective on the world. Everything that annoys men about women was in a complete role reversal. And then there's the fact that he cheated on me. The fact I forgave him and wasn't that upset, or surprised come to that, should have been a huge indication that this wasn't love, that this guy wasn't my 'soul mate' or the one I would marry. He was yet another person who couldn't be on their own and when they were, they clung to somebody else.
And the most fucked up part is that I think he was the one that genuinely loved me. It's weird to say that after everything I just said, but I think he clung to me so much because he didn't want to lose me, not knowing that that only pushed me further away. But he taught me that I would never again be with someone who cheated on me, even if I did care, and loved that person. 

So, here I am. My twenty first birthday is approaching, and the three I Love You's that I've received during my brief relationship history that are meant to mean something didn't really mean anything at all. There's no first love, or the one that got away. Just three different empty set of words.
But I'm still young, and one day, whether it be this side of 2011, or in many years to come, I will meet someone, and I won't have to reciprocate their I Love You's because it feels routine, and they will look at me and say it, in person, for the first time because its genuinely how they feel. And when that happens, it'll be worth it.

Your heart can never be truly given to one person in whole. It's already been given away in smaller parts, not always to the people that you love, but the people that you share with, and learn from. The people that really made an impact on your life, but one day, the piece that means the most is given away to someone, and if they're worth it, they'll cherish it.

Fate in the Hands of Court.

Something that has intrigued and captured my interest in the Casey Anthony case that's capturing the media in  America. It's not as widely talked about here in the UK, so for those of you wondering what it's about, Casey Anthony is accused of killing her two year old daughter in 2008, and if she's found guilty today, then she will be sentenced to death via lethal injection, making her the second youngest female in America to be sentenced to death, and the first to be killed for killing her own child.

I'm not sure where I stand on the death penalty that America serves. It seems as though death, although one of the most definite forms of punishment, I don't feel as though they're being punished for their actions in respects of the fact that's it, it's over. They don't have to he confined to a cell where they will spend the rest of their lives, day in day out, thinking over and over again about the actions which have taken away the privilege to live a normal life. Not just that, and call me naive, or foolish, but I'm not entirely positive that I agree on the dealth penalty altogether because I don't believe any human has the right to kill another. Granted, a life for life attitude is seemingly fair, if you kill someone, you deserve to face death - I get that. And when there are mass murdered out there that are a danger to our world when they kill masses off people without condition to  guilt, or remorse, that they should be served a more severe penalty, due to the fact that they didn't make a mistake that they'll spend the rest of their time regretting, but they made a choice to kill again, and again and that is forgivable.

If found guilty, I am not for one second condoning the actions of Casey Anthony; no one should cause any harm, or more severely, death to any thing in life, especially something that they carried for nine months, that they gave birth to and raised. It's a sick and twisted action, and for that, she should be made to suffer for the rest of her time, stripped from society and locked away somewhere dark and cold, with nothing but her heavy conscious to comfort her. But I don't agree with the fact that she should be killed publicly. What gives anyone the right to kill another human being? Although some agree with the life for life sentencing, I can't help but see it as being slightly hypocritical. After all, you're punishing a person for murder, and then doing just that.

I will update when the verdict had been reached.  


*UPDATE*

So, the jury found Casey Anthony NOT guilty, and I have to ask anybody who is reading this, HOW could they decide that when every single piece of evidence lead to her being guilty? This is a woman who stands in court with an emotionless face except for when she's smiling and laughing. Not once did she show any any signs of grieving, of remorse, or even guilt for her actions, or the fact that, at the end of the day, her daughter Caylee is never coming back, she's gone. And how does a mother ever get over something like that? Three years on, she should still be sad that her two year old daughter is dead. 

The fact that she googled 84 times, and even bookmarked how to make chloroform makes me suspicious. And added to that are the facts that friends say she remained "upbeat" and "happy" in the days after Caylee was essentially killed. And then there's the Bella  Vita tattoo, meaning "beautiful life" - are those words you'd really like to imprint on your skin for life, after the death of your daughter?

64 per cent of Twitter users found the not guilty verdict outrageous, slandering her as cold hearted, and a murderer, and I have to say that I am part of that 64 per cent statistic.

I have sat and I have watched Casey in court, and not once has she even seemed remotely affected by the fact that her daughter has died, whether she drowned accidentally, or was killed by Casey herself. And how do you have the nerve to even try to smile, or laugh, when your own life is hanging in the balance of the verdict? She should have been an emotional wreck knowing that she could very well be sentenced to death, but not Casey Anthony.

My opinion means nothing when twelve people with the power to present justice for young, innocent Caylee Anthony decided to throw that power away, and let her walk free, but every action and evidence makes me believe that she is guilty. And how the jurors couldn't piece every single bit of evidence together and come up with a guilty verdict is beyond me, but I hope that Casey Anthony is visited every night in her sleep by her actions, and can live with herself, because she's a sick woman.


This is Casey Anthony in court today looking sickeningly happy, despite the fact her daughter essentially still died in her care.

Musical Orgasms.

The songs to be playing at the moment;
1- Brighter Than the Sun; Colbie Caillat.
2- MAGIC; The Sound of Arrows.
3- Tonight Tonight; Hot Chelle Rae.
4- How to Love; Lil Wayne.  

5- I'm On One; DJ Khaled ft. Drake.
6- Good Life; One Republic.