Friday, 16 December 2011

Dear, Future;

You know, one thing that has surprised me a lot this year, and it’s the fact I've realised I can't wait to be a mum. Before, life to me was about money, and having a career, and not even considering having children until I’m in the midst of my thirties, and my eggs are practically on the brink of extinction. But I find that I crave that now, that family. I'm not saying I'm ready to meet you now, because I’m really not. There's still so much that I need to do, and see before I dedicate the rest of my life to you. To being there for you, every second of every single day. But I do know that I look forward to that time in my life now. 

At the moment, I'm going through a pretty hard time. But you need to know that that's just life. It's not an easy ride, and if you were to ever go through life without feeling anger, or pain, or being upset then you're not really alive, or living. Because its those difficult times, and those emotions that you feel that then define you. They make you a stronger person, and you're able to learn from them. Those hard times are fundamental to life because they enable you to grow from them, and its during those moments that you realise not only your worth, but the types of people you want to let into your life. 

I'm with a guy named Jack at the moment, Jack Edney, and I can single handedly tell you that he is the love of my life. I hope that he becomes not only my husband one day, but the father to you. He's so kind, and he's funny, and when I look at him my heart absolutely melts because I can never quite believe he's all mine. And for the first time in my life, I know he's as scared to lose me as I am him. I've dated a few boys, and all have hurt me, and played games, and most likely cheated. And it took being screwed around by those boys for me to really appreciate how special, and unique Jack is. And he really is, and I don't believe in God but I thank someone, somewhere every day that he came into my life. 

My generation is obsessed with social networking sights. At first, it was all about, and now its facebook, and Twitter, and tumblr. People criticise us for using them so much, but I like being able to look back on my life, at my statuses, and the quotes I shared with everyone. But more than that, I have my blog. This blog that you'll someday read, hopefully, and you'll be able to read back over my life, over the times when  I was really happy, or the times when I was heart broken and hurting. You can read it all, and get a glimpse into what my life’s like at this current moment, or before, and even in the next few years. I'll write about it all, and its all for you.

I have no idea what you'll look like, or even really what you'll be called. I used to be positive if you were a girl it'd be Ivy, but I'll explain to you one day why it'll never be that name. At the moment I love Marley, or Sofia. And if you're a boy, I really like Noah, or Nathaniel. But Jack's positive if he has a boy, it'll be Harry. So I guess we'll have to see . . . but if you're a girl, or a boy, it doesn't matter. There might even be two or three of you reading this now, and if there is, I love you all. And this is me, at twenty one telling you however many years into the future that you'll continue to be so loved for the rest of your lives. That I'll be here for you, without judgement to listen and help with any problem you find yourself in. My mum has always been here for me, no matter what situations I've gotten myself into, and she's never judged me, and I'm going to be exactly the same with you all.

I want you to know that its okay to make mistakes. Date the wrong people, get so drunk you throw up and vow never to drink again, until the following week when you find yourself in exactly the same situation. Get the bestgrades you can at school, and then find a career that you'll enjoy, not just something that'll make you a lot of money, because you have to enjoy work, that's one thing I do know from working endlessly in a job I hate just to fund my shoe addiction. Travel, you know, see the world. England will be home, but its just a small part of what makes up the world, and there are places out there so beautiful, it'll be a shame for you to never visit them.

So here it is, my life, I guess. And I'm sure there's a lot more to come after this blog. I hope so.

Until we meet in the future, all my love,

- Your mum x

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