Saturday, 30 July 2011

Love Letters; The Perfect Guy.

It's a question that's probably been through every single one of our minds, at least once. What do we want? What do we define as perfect? Because that's what we all want, right? This, Mr Perfect. But before now, to me the perfect man was somebody who was absolutely gorgeous. Think Liam Hemsworth, or Channing Tatum. That perfectly sculpted physique, the strong jawline, and manly persona. He'd be successful, and have a good career. Maybe a lawyer, or a banker. He'd be generous, and spoil me like nobody has done before. He wouldn't bat an eyelid about surprising me with those dream LouBoutin suede boots, and the £8,000 Tiffany engagement ring I've dreamed about for years? He wouldn't think of getting me any other ring.

I don't know whether its to do with maturing, or just reality, but those things all seem so shallow and superficial to me now. Sure, having serious eye candy on your arm is never a bad thing, but it's not the most important thing. And whether he works as a lawyer, or a farmer, it doesn't matter to me, anymore. When I meet my perfect guy, I just hope that he's kind, without being a pushover. I want him to have a sense of humour and laugh when I'm dancing round the living room in my underwear. Not look at me like I've grown another head. I hope that he encourages every single dream of mine, even if every other person is against them. I want him to be romantic enough that he realises love isn't just about materialistic gifts. Home cooked meals, handwritten letters, and being together on the sofa watching films is more than enough.

I want somebody who doesn't feel compelled to seek satisfaction from jealously. He'll make me feel like I'm good enough for him, because he believes that. He won't judge me by how I dress, or what colour I decide to dye my hair, because those small things in life aren't important. I'll trust him without hesitation because I'll know he's always going to be there for me.

And above all, I want somebody who will be there for me. When I'm crying and I don't look my most attractive, he'll just kiss away those tears with concern, and love. And when I'm fueled by PMS, and I'm angry at the world, he'll be patient with me. And when I am grumpy, he'll realise that humor is the best way to bring me round, and here he'll be, making jokes so unfunny that I'm laughing.

And that right there is perfection.

Change Has Come.

After much deliberation, gone are the ginger locks, and in their place brunette locks!

Here you go :)

- Lo x

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Lyrical Love.

The songs I have been well and truly over-playing on my iPod at the moment;

1- If Tonight is my Last; Laura Izibor.
2- Newborn; Joss Stone.
3- Why You Wanna; Jana Kramer.
4- Set The World on Fire; Britt Nicole.
5- Sandcastles; Kate Voegele.

24 Hour Binge Read.

Nicholas Sparks is the only idol I have in life. I don't know when, but at some point I started to look to him as this significant figure in life, someone who I want to be just like. I admire his talent, his ability to use words that touch people to the core. Some writers will write pages, to build emotion, but he manages to produce such raw, touching emotion with the simplest of sentences. 

So, how is it that I became so ignorant towards him? A Walk to Remember is my favourite film. I can't begin to even count the amount of times I have watched it, but every time I do, I cry like its the first time I'm watching it. The relationship between Landon and Jamie is what love is about. We've seen too many rom-coms where the boy-meets-girl storyline is the same, and the two characters have these perfect lives, and they're beautiful people, and its just so tiresome. Jamie Sullivan's character isn't typical, or stereotypical, she's like this breath of fresh air in the cinematic world. And the fact that she and Landon fall in love is what I believe touches people the most, because that is what love is about. Uniting two people together who are so different, yet together, so much better. You see love isn't about meeting the best looking guy your eyes have ever met, or someone rich who will spoil you rotten. You don't choose love, you choose infatuation. Love is something that's altogether different. You don't choose love, because love will find you, and sometimes its in the most unlikeliest forms, in people who've never even been on our radar, or those we don't even dare to think about in such a way, but that's the beauty of love.

You see, I can gush about A  Walk to Remember, and write about how Nicholas Sparks influences me, yet until last night, I had never even read the book form. It's been sat on my shelf for a few years, and not once have I picked it up. Until yesterday. And I spent the last 24 hours binge reading that book, into the early hours of the morning, not quite believing I'd been so ignorant to a man whose work has changed the way I write myself. And all I have to say, is that Nicholas Sparks has done it again. To anyone else who hasn't read the book, I urge you to do so, because it differs so much from the film. And while the film will forever remain at the top of my ultimate film list, the book form is on my book list, too.

I have spent the last 24 hours binging on convenience food, barely wanting to stop reading. It was a chore to put the book down just to take off my make-up, shower, and get into bed. And even then, I stayed up until every page of that book was read, and there I was in the early hours of the morning, tears streaming down my face as it came to an end. And I wish I'd read this book sooner.

The relationship between Jamie and Landon in the book is a lot different to the movie, but its equally as powerful, and I'm in awe of Nicholas's ability to have such power over the emotions of his reader with his words alone.

Monday, 25 July 2011

Dear, Amy;

I think that when somebody under the media spotlight dies, it's immediately brandished a tragedy. But the death of Amy Winehouse is not a tragedy simply because she was famous, or because over the years she has rightfully collected a large fan base, and not even because of her raw, natural ability to have such unique talent. It's a tragedy because underneath that all, she was just twenty seven. And that small, frail twenty seven year old was crying out for help. She just needed somebody positive to come into her life and to help her rid herself of the demons in her life. Amy may have felt as though the rock and roll lifestyle was the one for her, but nobody can want to imagine their life ending at just twenty seven. Her addictions in life weren't because she woke up one day and decided to gamble with life. Her addiction was just that, an addiction. And people can sit here and judge her for that, even blame her for her own death, but its also those people who've probably never hit a bump in their seemingly perfect lives. Who've never made a bad judgement, or choice, and who've never had to live with the consequences.

So, to Amy Winehouse, I'd like to tell her this.
You were inspiring to a lot of people, and not because of the drugs or the alcohol, but because you had an exceptionally talented voice, and your voice will be forever known because people will continue to buy your music, just like they have done all weekend on iTunes.

But most of all, I'd like to say sorry. Sorry that nobody was there for you that day to stop you, or to help you. Sorry that nobody managed to make you feel like you had enough support to turn your life around. And most off all, I'm sorry that your life ended at just twenty seven. Strip away the addictions, and nobody, not anybody, deserves to die at such a young age. And now you're up there, with the music legends that defined history, that changed music, that we still remember to this day, and I'm positive that ten, twenty years down the line, the next generation will remember you, too.


- Lo x

Saturday, 23 July 2011

Playlists for Life.

I'm always blogging about music, and how it saves lives, how it's a part of life, and how it unites people. So this is a blog dedicated to actual music playlists. On my iPod I have this folder called Playlists for Life, and inside it are lists of different playlists for different moods. Not every day do we wake up and feel happy, and sometimes we just need something to play that changes that. Sometimes we're struggling to get through a bad breakup, or row, and we need empowering words to give us strength. And sometimes, we want a happy, care-free beat to smile along to . . . 

Here are my top fifteen songs in each of those playlists, I hope you like.

- Lo x

The Smiley Playlist:
Relxaxing, chillout songs that just make you :) . . .

1. Three Days of Rain - Jason Liberatore.
2. Sky - Joshua Radin ft. Ingrid Michaelson.
3. Bubbly - Colbie Caillat.
4. The Heart of the Matter - Indie Arie.
5. Better Together - Jack Johnson

6. Our Song - Taylor Swift.
7. In Love With a Girl - Gavin DeGraw
8. Someday - Miley Cyrus.
9. Loving You - Paolo Nutini.
10. Good Time Comin' On - Chuck Wicks. 

11. You Look Good in my Shirt - Keith Urban.
12. Mmm.. - Laura Izibor.
13. Say  Hey, I Love You - Michael Franti & Spearhead.
14. Summer Girl - Leighton Meester.
15. California - Phantom Planet.

The Dance Playlist:
Songs that immediately have you reaching for that make-shift mic . . .

1. Miss Independant - Ne-Yo.
2. Super Bass - Nicki Minaj.
3. Out of my Head - Lupe Fiasco.
4. Pass Out - Tinie Tempah.
5. Let The Bass Kick in Miami Girl
- Chuckie ft. LMFAO.

6. Higher - The Saturdays.
7. Single Ladies - Beyoncé.
8. Rock Your Body - Justin Timberlake.
9. Midnight - Pitbull.
10. Stay - Ne-Yo.

11. Miami to Ibiza - Tinie Tempah.
12. Freeze - T-Pain.
13. I'll Bring you Flowers - Sweet Female Attitude. 
14. Let the Sun Shine - Labrinth.
15. Baby - Justin Bieber.

The Getting Over Them Playlist:
The most empowering songs to help you get over them . . .

1. Irreplaceable - Beyoncé.
2. I Remember Me - Jennifer Hudson.
3. Fuck You - Cee Lo Green.
4. A Little Bit Stronger - Leighton Meester.
5. One Day You'll Be Fine - Kari Kimmel.

6. Ego - The Saturdays.
7. I'm Ready to Let you Go - Michelle Branch.
8. That Phone - Grace Potter & The Nocturnals.
9. Best Thing I Never Had -
10. Well, Well, Well - Duffy.

11. Girl - Destiny's Child.
12. Take A Bow - Rihanna.
13. Starts With Goodbye - Carrie Underwood.
14. A Woman's Worth - Alicia Keys.
15. Where You At - Jennifer Hudson.

The Sad Playlist: 
Sometimes you just feel depressed, and can't turn your frown around, and you need to listen to depressing, sad music . . . 

1. Set the Fire to the Third Bar - Snow Patrol & Martha Wainwright.
2. Collide - Howie Day.
3. Say Goodbye - Katharine McPhee.
4. Lonely Day - Phantom Planet.
5. Wherever You Will Go - The Calling.

6. Only Hope - Switchfoot.
7. Hurt - Johnny Cash.
8. What She's Doing Now - Garth Brooks.
9. Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

10. Dreamer - Kari Kimmel.

11. I Want Tears - Michelle Branch.
12. Stupid Boy - Keith Urban.
13. Need You Now - Lady Antebellum.
14. I Couldn't Save You - Kate Voegele.
15. 3AM - Edwin McCain.

The Just Because Playlist: 
Sometimes they make you smile, or sad, but you play them either way, just because . . .

1. Never Say Never - The Fray.
2. Run - Snow Patrol.
3. All We'd Ever Need - Lady Antebellum.
4. Dance With My Father - Luther Vandross.
5. Not Over You - Gavin DeGraw.

6. Light Outside - Wakey!Wakey!.
7. I Won't Give Up - Jana Kramer.
8. Landslide - Dixie Chicks. 
9. Waste Away - Hayley Jensen.

10. I Think About You Every Day - A Rocket To The Moon.

11. Let Love In - Goo Goo Dolls.
12. Lay Me Down - The Wreckers.
13. Life After You - Daughtry.
14. If Tonight Is My Last - Laura Izibor.
15. The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin.

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Dear, Kimberley;

If  I could do just one thing at this precise second, it would be to take all of these feelings away. To make the seemingly dark world you're living in at the moment better. To make you better, to make you laugh and smile. To make you enjoy life again. Because that's my best friend. You know, at times she annoys the absolute hell out of me. She has done for years, way back when she'd run around my house like an absolute lunatic, as my brother watched her bemused. And even then, she just laughed. That was probably an indication that you would always do things that test my short fuse, and make me snap at you. But even then, you just laugh, and after a while its forgotten, and we're both laughing.

But the love I have for you is greater than the smaller things that irritate me because they don't annoy me, not really. I usually want to laugh along at you, but it feels appropriate to
encourage you. But that's my best friend. She's single handedly the person who makes me laugh the most, who I feel like I can turn to with any problem. I don't always fall for the right guys, or make good decision, but never once have I felt like you judge me. I remember you once saying, 'I don't judge you, Lora.' And those words are true, because you don't. Even when I'm telling you that I've fallen for a boy who already has a girlfriend, or crave the attention from an ex who really isn't good for me.

And my best friend is the most unique person on this planet. She wears green nail varnish the colour of bogies, and multicolored genie pants and she isn't fazed by the looks she gets walking down the street. She's defiant, and turns to them people with a smile and says, 'Do you like my trousers? They're from the shop along the road if you want some, too.' And that's not an act, or a projection of a caviler care-free attitude, that's you. You are who you are without any apologies, Kimberley. And you may be unhappy with yourself at the moment, and you might sometimes hate looking in the mirror, but let me tell you something. Females are born with this ability to never see their best attributes, yet they can spend hours picking out their worst. And they waste their life picking away at their faults, wishing they looked like this idealistic person they've created in their head, and before you know it, a year, two, maybe three has passed and you're still that same person. Still look the same. At some point you either have to make a change, or learn to accept yourself and see the refection differently, see it as the person the world sees.

But what I want to tell you now is selfish, because I want you to know how much I need you. These past few years haven't been the best while you were away at University, and I missed my best friend. And I need you in my life because you make it brighter. I've always been used to you being larger than life, being this person who I can laugh about anything with. And my favourite sound is knowing that I've made you laugh. And I miss those times, more than you know. I've been counting down the days until you came home, and now that you're here, you've come back a different person and I don't know how to make that better, but I want you to know that I'll try. Even if you feel alone, you always have me. I'm not going anywhere, not ever. Because you're not my best friend, Kimberley. The love I have for you, the love my family has for you, goes beyond a friend. You're a part of this family, a part of my life, and you always will be.

So whether you need me now, tomorrow, or a year from now, I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be right here because that's what a best friend is. They're not just there to benefit from the good times, they're there to go through the bad times with you, too, to suffer alongside you.

And I love you, Kimberley Tough. And I promise you, this will get better, life will get better.

We all have to believe that.

- Lo x

Monday, 18 July 2011

Once Upon a Wish.

Have you ever wished that life came with its own remote control? Have you ever wished that we could use the fast forward button to skip past all of those moments that ever caused us pain, or broke us somehow? That we could pause those moments that made us smile the most, and filled our hearts with joy. And then we'd use the rewind button to keep on living those moments, over and over again. And most of all, we could use the scene selection button to go to the future. To see who, after all the rom-coms, books, eight seasons of One Tree Hill, and happy endings, defined that. To see what lucky person stood out from the sea of people in the world. To memorize their face, and when you used the rewind button to go back to your life as it is, that imprint will get you through all the good and the bad times. All the times when you feel so low, you want to just cry. Or when yet another person has chipped away at your heart. All you'd have to do is picture them and remind yourself that one day, you get to meet this person for the first time, and when you finally do, your life will never be the same again. 

Sunday, 17 July 2011

My Best Lifeline.

It sounds melodramatic to some when its said that music saves lives, but to me, its as much a fact as Gods existence is to those that are religious. I wake up and I reach for my iPod before even getting up out of bed. When I sit down to do my make-up, its with my music on. And as I'm blogging this now, my iTunes is open. And when I've showered and am just ready for my bed, I'll listen to my music until I fall asleep. I spend the majority of every single day with my earphones jammed in my ears.

So for those who think nothing of believing in God, or Aliens, or something else people have judged you for, or questioned, music does save lives because music helps you through life. When you're happy, or sad, or in that in-between mood when you're so up and down you're just exhausted, music is there. And there is at least one song, one line, one melody that makes everything okay again.

Music is a lifeline. And it's never not been there for me. And there are millions of other people with the same emotional attachment to the music they play in the world. So if that's not saving lives around the world, well . . . then I don't know what is.

Friday, 15 July 2011

Things Dreams are Made of.

When I was a little girl, I was a firm believer in fairies. I believed the story my Aunt told me, that when she was a young girl, a fairy flew up to her in her garden. At twenty, I know that she's somewhat an avid storyteller, and she'd probably deny her story if I were ever to bring it up now. Then a family friend told me that she saw a fairy, too. She told me that she was in the woods and nobody was around her, but she saw the fairy as it flew right past her. You can imagine how, at such a naive age, I lapped it up. But the thing was that she seemed really adamant that she saw that fairy, and I sometimes wonder whether she was telling the truth.

I promise I'm not a delusional person who still believes in fairies, and Santa Claus, but I do believe in dreams. And I know that when we were younger and we believed in fairies, or the Easter bunny, or even zombies, we weren't just being naive children, we were daring to believe that somewhere out there in the world were extraordinary things, things that seemed so magical inside the mundane life of a kid.

We wanted to believe that fairies were out there somewhere. We could almost see their pastel, glittering wings and pixie-like features inside our minds as if we were seeing them with our eyes open because it gave us something to imagine, to hope for, even. We were dreaming with our eyes open.

And now, so much tragedy surrounds us. And as people live in our world who kill other people in the most horrendous ways, and sick, evil people commit unforgivable crimes, I have never before missed those times more. That abilty to get lost in this world where beautiful things exist, where the ability to imagine allows you to get lost, because sometimes, it's not to be better than reality, right?

Our world is changing, and the war in Iraq probably won't be the last, and terrorists will likely plot yet more ways to cause devastation, and loss. Mother nature will take people away from us, and people who are sick, and twisted, will continue to kill people. But I'm glad that children have something to lose themselves in, their imagination, and get lost in a world where better things exist, where the world seems like a safe, and beautiful place to young minds, who have endless years ahead of them to witness what the world is really like. 

Thursday, 14 July 2011

The Moment That

During every good book, every TV programme or film there's that one moment, that one simple line, or one long speech that just makes the movie. At one point, it will just hit you, and you're either hooked, or laughing so hard you never think you'll stop. Or you're crying, using the entire tissue box to soak up the mess. One moment that truly touches us. One moment when were either in the edge of our seats, or our hearts have catapulted in our chests. One moment when we're smiling with happiness, or through sheds of tears, but just that one moment. They have one and a half, maybe two hours to achieve that moment in a film, or anything from two hundred to five hundred in a book. One moment that truly reaches out to the person reading, or watching, and they feel this impact, and suddenly they remember each and every word. Those words become a quote you remember for the rest of your life. 

I am that over-emotional person. I only have to watch episodes of One Tree Hill, or Brothers & Sisters and I'm wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my jumper. I'm so easily touched, but it's the moments that affect me in such an emotional way that I live for when I watch or read something. And without that moment, I can't really count it as a success because its a moment where you truly connect with what's in front of you. 

More than anything, moments in TV and films have changed my life. They've inspired me. They've made me cry, at times uncontrollably. They've made me smile. Made me hope. And most of all, they've made me dream, and aspire to one day create something that touches the audience watching in the same way that I've felt during those great moments. 

Here are a few of my personal, top favourite quotes from films, and programmes that have been the ones to move me the most.

Enjoy . . .

- Lo x

A Walk to Remember;
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful." - [Landon Carter]

Coach Carter;
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - [Timo Cruz]

"Baby, do you think its possible that anyone else in the world is doing this very same thing at this very same moment?"
"I hope so, otherwise, what the hell are we trying to save?"
- [Grace and AJ]

Brothers & Sisters;
"You see, it's this. It's just sitting here together in a waiting room both of us trying to pretend that we're not scared, that's love. And well, not being able to concentrate writing a speech about the beauty of love, because you're so scared that you might lose it and nothing would ever be the same. And realising that the one place, the one place, that you feel most you is when you are lying next to her, just breathing." - [Robert McCallister]

Feast of Love;
"There is a story about the greek gods. They were bored, so they invented human beings, but they were still bored, so they invented love. Then they weren't bored any longer, so they decided to try love for themselves. And finally they invented laughter, so they could stand it." - [Harry Stevenson]

Sex and the City;
"After he left, I cried for a week. And then I realised, I do have faith. Faith in myself. Faith that I would one day meet someone who would be sure I was the one." - [Carrie Bradshaw]

The OC;
"Acknowledge me now, or lose me forever." - [Seth Cohen]

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like, astronauts, president, or in my case, a princess. When we were ten, they asked again. We answered, a rock star, cowboy, or in my case, a gold medalist. But now that we're grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how about this. Who the hell knows? This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions; this is a time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love, a lot. Major in philosophy, because there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind, and change it again, because nothing's permanent. So, make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask what we want to be, we won't have to guess...we'll know." - [Jessica]

One Tree Hill;
"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one." - [Peyton Sawyer]

The Notebook;
"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out!" - [Noah]

Remember Me;
"If you could hear me, I would say that our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched." - [Tyler]

Seven Pounds;
"I lied to you, I think about dying every day." - [Ben Thomas]

P.S. I Love You;
"Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you." - [Gerry Kennedy]

Practical Magic;
"It was the curse, wasn't it? He died because I loved him so much." - [Sally Owens]


"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something." - [Graham Waters]

In the Land of Women;

There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you."
- [Carter Webb]

Dear John;
"Two weeks together, that's all it took, two weeks for me to fall for you." - [Savannah Curtis]

Walk the Line;
"Please sing."
"I'm asking you to marry me. I love you, June. Now I know I said and done a lotta things, that I hurt you, but I promise, I'll never do that again. I only want to take care of you. I will not leave you like that dutch boy with your finger in the dam."
[June shakes her head.]
"You're my best friend, Marry me."
"All right."

- [Johnny Cash and June]

Into the Wild;
"What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?" - [Christopher McCandless]

The Bucket List;
"The simplest thing is... I loved him. And I miss him. Carter and I saw the world together. Which is amazing... When you think that only three months ago, we were complete strangers! I hope that it doesn't sound selfish of me but... the last months of his life were the best months of mine. He saved my life... And he knew it before I did." - [Edward Cole]

The Blind Side;
"You're changing that boy's life."
"No. He's changing mine."
- [Leigh Anne Touhy]

The Secret Life of Bees;
"I killed my mother when I was four years old. She was all I ever wanted and I took her away." - [Lily Owens]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer;
"You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I'd prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker; I follow my blood, which doesn't always rush in the direction of my brain. So I've made a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, only one thing I've ever been sure of. You. Look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I tell you that I love you, it's not because I want you, or 'cause I can't have you, it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your strength, and your kindness, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."
"I don't... I don't want to be the one."
"I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear."
- [Spike to Buffy]

Dirty Dancing;
"Sorry for the interruption, folks, but I always do the last dance of the season. This year somebody told me not to. So I'm gonna do my kind of dancin' with a great partner, who's not only a terrific dancer, but somebody... who's taught me... that there are people willing to stand up for other people no matter what it costs them. Somebody who's taught me about the kind of person I wanna be. Miss Frances Houseman." - [Johnny]

Eat Pray Love;
"Listen, balance, my darling, is not letting anybody love you less than you love yourself." - [Felipe]

The Adjustment Bureau;
"All I have are the choices I make, and I choose her, come what may." - [David Norris]

"Sadness be gone, let's be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy, cause we are worthy" - [Annie]

Easy A;
"I might even lose my virginity to him. I don't know when will it happen. You know, maybe in five minutes, or tonight, or sixth months from now, or maybe on the night of our wedding. But the really amazing this is, it is nobody's goddamn business." - [Olive Penderghast]

A Cinderella Story;
"I know that guy that sent those emails is somewhere inside of you, but I can't wait for him... because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing." - [Sam Montgomery]

The Last Song;
"Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes it makes you love them more." - [Steve Miller]

What Comes Next?

Every day in life, we're reaching for something. Aiming for a goal. We're yearning to develop.
When we're born, we're learning how to survive. How to eat, drink, and sleep. And most of all, we're learning how to ask for help.
When we're a toddler we're learning for the first time how to stand on our own, how to take that first step and remain upright.
When we're four, we start school and education unravels. We're suddenly learning numbers and words, and places in the world.
When we're eleven, we're taking another leap in growing up. We're leaving behind a place that we've known for the last seven years, friends we've made, and suddenly we're starting a new school, a place where we're starting again.
At thirteen, we're learning change. Curves begin to develop and suddenly we need a bra because we have breasts. Our moods are like a roller coaster, and we have no control over these changes. Whether we like it or not, our bodies are changing, and we're growing more into an adult than ever before.
At sixteen, everything we've learned until now comes down to GCSE'S, and after that, we need to decide the next step. For the first time, we have options. We can leave education, or we can stay.What do we do next?
At eighteen, we're done with A Levels, or college, and now we have another big decision to make. What do we do next? Do we join the public services? Do we study media, and journalism? Do we become an air hostess, and travel the world via the air?
For some, University is what comes next. Three more years of education, but this time, its in a subject that appeals to us. For me that was writing. I studied script writing, and media, and I am not an academic person. I thrive when I'm allowed to do my own thing, so the idea that, after three years, I could be writing about the things that matter the most to me, I stayed. At times, I wanted to quit, believe me. But now here I am, with a not so great, but not tragic, 2:2 degree in Media Writing, and for the first time in a long time, I have no answer to that big question looming over me. What happens next?
During the first two years of University, I was told that I had talent. My pursuit for an agent, and a book deal, and my name on top of The New York Times Bestsellers List wasn't just a dream, it was a goal. It was encouraged. Someone that wasn't a blood relation had faith in me that I was talented, that I would survive, and that the dreams some called pipe dreams were achievable.
And then, during the final year at University, the bubble I'd been sat in suddenly popped, and I realised, I'm not alone. I may have talent and dedication on my side, but there are a lot of other talented people in the world who want the same goal. I won't be the first, or the last person to write that book we think is a bestseller. I won't be the first or the last person to think that there's a place for me in this world to make a name for myself. And I won't be the first or the last person to let self-doubt sink in.
Because for the first time in my life, I don't know what's next. I don't know how to quit my job in retail and put myself out there in the world. I don't know whether my dream job is within journalism, publishing, or PR. I don't know how to go from being student and part-time sales assistant to being Lo, the journalist, or Lo the best-selling author. I don't know if I'll move to America, if I'll have a wardrobe packed full of LouBoutins. I don't know whether my words and emotion will be enough to put into a song, or if someone, somewhere, will pick up my film script and believe in it. But I have to believe and hope.

So, for any person who has ever sat there and thought, 'What comes next?' and has no answer, this is what I have to tell you.
Since we were born, our lives have been dictated. We've been told to go to school, to study hard and to get good grades, and then when the time came, to choose a career that made us happy, or made us the most money. But no one told us how to get it. And there is no step-outline in the real world. And its packed full of competitiveness, and other talented people. But you just need to believe that you will get there, one day you will. And its scary putting your foot out there in the world and getting rejection, but lift your foot up and smack it back down again, persistence will pay off and great things will come to you.

We all need to believe that, because if we don't, then we doubt ourselves, and its when doubt starts to creep in that our dreams slowly fade away, and without dreams to strive for, what comes next?

Thursday, 7 July 2011

Three Syllables.

I love you.

Three simple words; three syllables; no meaning. 

I've had three boyfriends that have told me that they love me, and I'm not sure either of them meant it. It's supposed to be this big moment in a relationship. The days turn into weeks, turning into months, and you grow in this relationship together and then you say it for the first time, and its like this rush of adrenaline. It takes you into the next stage of a relationship. But those three words that seem to mean to much can sometimes mean so little when we look back.
'Boyfriend Number 3' was the one who meant it the least. He's the kind of guy who, on the surface, is suave, and charming, his humour outrageous and addictive. He has a magnetic type of persona, pulling people towards him and his easy, laid-back attitude. But underneath it all he's scared of being alone. His bed notches aren't examples of the time when he was a player, or a man-whore. They're examples of him not wanting to be alone, nor in a relationship, but needing someone to fill a void in his life. And when the notches did turn into girlfriends, he adopted the same routine.
Date girl. Make girl fall. Tell girl he loved her. Leave Girl.
And at the time, I was caught up in this rush. It made me feel good to know he loved me, that he'd be the one guy to not hurt me, or make me feel insecure and inadequate. The I Love You came in a text, and as I read those three words, I remember feeling this skip in my heart beat. But he didn't mean it, not one of them words, not one syllable, because it was routine for him, habit. There came a time when it felt necessary to tell that girl he loved her, it was all part of his destructive routine. 
And you know, when I look back, I don't feel hurt, or sad, or heartbroken that he said those words to me that are meant to mean so much, because I'm not sure I meant them either. I was caught up by his charm, but if you were to strip that all away, he wasn't the guy I thought I loved. I was in 'love' with the idea of someone who wasn't real, and this guy was someone I would've never given the time of day to if I'd known, so he was a learning curve really, a learning curve that however perfect someone may seem, don't rush head on in there, because people also surprise you.
'Boyfriend Number 2' is the killer. I dated him for the smaller amount of time, but he had the biggest impact on me. For such a long time, I couldn't get over him, and when he moved on to his next girlfriend, and still showered me with attention, I was caught up in this hope that he'd pick me over her. I mean, come on, what was I thinking?! It's an unwritten rule that if a guy has a girlfriend and is still flirting with other girls, hes a complete twat! Right? Right. But it doesn't stop us from hoping, does it girls?
 And when he flirted, or led me on, I still hoped, I still let him have me dangling from his little finger, and I'm angry because I think that, even now, there's still this part of me that craves that attention, and whether that's because I still like him or not, I'm not sure. But I do know that sometimes in life you meet a person that you can never truly let go off, even when time passes.
And when I look back, I don't even remember the time that he told me he loved me, but I do know it was too soon. He probably didn't mean it, but I don't blame him. I was his first girlfriend, and relationships are a cliche. We're led to believe from our favourite rom-coms that the I Love You is needed. He was a newbie, and we were playing out a routine. Did I love him? I'm not sure. But I do know that whether it is a year, or two, or even ten down the line, if I ever run into him and he gives me that lazy, cheeky smile, he'll probably have the same impact on me. And it's not love, maybe it's lust, or an addiction.
'Boyfriend Number 1' - god is this boy a fuck-up. This was my first and longest relationship, and I was the one that was new to the term 'boyfriend'. And he showered me with meaningful texts, and promises of an eternal life together. It suffocated me, if I'm honest. I think I was too young for something so serious, so powerful, and I don't think I loved him, not as my boyfriend, but maybe as a friend, and that was confusing to comprehend at just sixteen.Especially when the feelings I had for his best friend were stronger than the ones I had for him.
But he was the most insecure, jealous, and unsteady guy I think I've ever met. He's a male with a female perspective on the world. Everything that annoys men about women was in a complete role reversal. And then there's the fact that he cheated on me. The fact I forgave him and wasn't that upset, or surprised come to that, should have been a huge indication that this wasn't love, that this guy wasn't my 'soul mate' or the one I would marry. He was yet another person who couldn't be on their own and when they were, they clung to somebody else.
And the most fucked up part is that I think he was the one that genuinely loved me. It's weird to say that after everything I just said, but I think he clung to me so much because he didn't want to lose me, not knowing that that only pushed me further away. But he taught me that I would never again be with someone who cheated on me, even if I did care, and loved that person. 

So, here I am. My twenty first birthday is approaching, and the three I Love You's that I've received during my brief relationship history that are meant to mean something didn't really mean anything at all. There's no first love, or the one that got away. Just three different empty set of words.
But I'm still young, and one day, whether it be this side of 2011, or in many years to come, I will meet someone, and I won't have to reciprocate their I Love You's because it feels routine, and they will look at me and say it, in person, for the first time because its genuinely how they feel. And when that happens, it'll be worth it.

Your heart can never be truly given to one person in whole. It's already been given away in smaller parts, not always to the people that you love, but the people that you share with, and learn from. The people that really made an impact on your life, but one day, the piece that means the most is given away to someone, and if they're worth it, they'll cherish it.

Monday, 4 July 2011

Fate in the Hands of Court.

Something that has intrigued and captured my interest in the Casey Anthony case that's capturing the media in  America. It's not as widely talked about here in the UK, so for those of you wondering what it's about, Casey Anthony is accused of killing her two year old daughter in 2008, and if she's found guilty today, then she will be sentenced to death via lethal injection, making her the second youngest female in America to be sentenced to death, and the first to be killed for killing her own child.

I'm not sure where I stand on the death penalty that America serves. It seems as though death, although one of the most definite forms of punishment, I don't feel as though they're being punished for their actions in respects of the fact that's it, it's over. They don't have to he confined to a cell where they will spend the rest of their lives, day in day out, thinking over and over again about the actions which have taken away the privilege to live a normal life. Not just that, and call me naive, or foolish, but I'm not entirely positive that I agree on the dealth penalty altogether because I don't believe any human has the right to kill another. Granted, a life for life attitude is seemingly fair, if you kill someone, you deserve to face death - I get that. And when there are mass murdered out there that are a danger to our world when they kill masses off people without condition to  guilt, or remorse, that they should be served a more severe penalty, due to the fact that they didn't make a mistake that they'll spend the rest of their time regretting, but they made a choice to kill again, and again and that is forgivable.

If found guilty, I am not for one second condoning the actions of Casey Anthony; no one should cause any harm, or more severely, death to any thing in life, especially something that they carried for nine months, that they gave birth to and raised. It's a sick and twisted action, and for that, she should be made to suffer for the rest of her time, stripped from society and locked away somewhere dark and cold, with nothing but her heavy conscious to comfort her. But I don't agree with the fact that she should be killed publicly. What gives anyone the right to kill another human being? Although some agree with the life for life sentencing, I can't help but see it as being slightly hypocritical. After all, you're punishing a person for murder, and then doing just that.

I will update when the verdict had been reached.  


So, the jury found Casey Anthony NOT guilty, and I have to ask anybody who is reading this, HOW could they decide that when every single piece of evidence lead to her being guilty? This is a woman who stands in court with an emotionless face except for when she's smiling and laughing. Not once did she show any any signs of grieving, of remorse, or even guilt for her actions, or the fact that, at the end of the day, her daughter Caylee is never coming back, she's gone. And how does a mother ever get over something like that? Three years on, she should still be sad that her two year old daughter is dead. 

The fact that she googled 84 times, and even bookmarked how to make chloroform makes me suspicious. And added to that are the facts that friends say she remained "upbeat" and "happy" in the days after Caylee was essentially killed. And then there's the Bella  Vita tattoo, meaning "beautiful life" - are those words you'd really like to imprint on your skin for life, after the death of your daughter?

64 per cent of Twitter users found the not guilty verdict outrageous, slandering her as cold hearted, and a murderer, and I have to say that I am part of that 64 per cent statistic.

I have sat and I have watched Casey in court, and not once has she even seemed remotely affected by the fact that her daughter has died, whether she drowned accidentally, or was killed by Casey herself. And how do you have the nerve to even try to smile, or laugh, when your own life is hanging in the balance of the verdict? She should have been an emotional wreck knowing that she could very well be sentenced to death, but not Casey Anthony.

My opinion means nothing when twelve people with the power to present justice for young, innocent Caylee Anthony decided to throw that power away, and let her walk free, but every action and evidence makes me believe that she is guilty. And how the jurors couldn't piece every single bit of evidence together and come up with a guilty verdict is beyond me, but I hope that Casey Anthony is visited every night in her sleep by her actions, and can live with herself, because she's a sick woman.

This is Casey Anthony in court today looking sickeningly happy, despite the fact her daughter essentially still died in her care.

Friday, 1 July 2011

Musical Orgasms.

The songs to be playing at the moment;
1- Brighter Than the Sun; Colbie Caillat.
2- MAGIC; The Sound of Arrows.

3- Tonight Tonight; Hot Chelle Rae.

4- How to Love; Lil Wayne.
5- I'm On One; DJ Khaled ft. Drake.
6- Good Life; One Republic.