Friday, 11 November 2011

Dear, Sperm Donar;

I woke up today, and I hate you. It's not resentment. I'm not just disapointed in you. Or let down, or angry beyond any form of verbal explanation. Hate. Just one word, one syllable, four letters. And it describes how I feel for you, my own father. The person who half made me. Whose been there every single day since I was born. The person who fucking up and left without explanation, leaving behind him nothing but a string of lies, and hurt. And that is the only emotion I feel for you. It's taken over the huge resentment I felt for you before, and overwiped any love that I still had for you, and now all I feel is hate. 

I hate you for every single thing you ever done to hurt us. For so many years, I felt this bubbling anger, and at times it felt like it would consume me. I'd lash out, and snap, and get annoyed over such stupid things, and now when I look back I know that its because a part of me knew. It knew you were a shitty person. It knew you were doing stuff to betray mum, and me and Matt, your family, your own flesh and blood. I've had to live with your lies, lying to myself and acting like you weren't that shady person for so long, and I took it all on. And I hate you for that.

I hate the person you are. I hate you for having such a good family and throwing it away for absolutely nothing. And most of all, I hate you because I no longer have a father.