Wednesday, 6 April 2011

It's Okay Not To Be Okay.

You're my friend, and I'm supposed to be happy for you. And I am. It's just hard because your happiness came at a cost of pain to my brother. I know you wasn't happy, and neither was he. And you were stuck in this rut that was making you both unhappy. And I love you, I do, and I always will. Not speaking to you for those months just proved that you were meant to be in my life, because it felt as though something was missing. And I know he said some things that hurt you, but I still remember the things you said, too.

And so when I see you displaying your happiness over facebook and Twitter, I am happy for you, it's just hard because it feels as though it's alwa
ys with a slight dig at Matt. As though he was such an unbearable 'gross' person for you to have spent so long with, but I know that's a lie. I witness first hand how sickeningly loved up you and Matt both were. It made me queasy to be fair. So when I see you speaking of true love, and how you're experiencing all these feelings for the first time, it's feels as though you're trying to prove how over Matt you are. But it's okay to still miss a person. You might not still be in love with them, but there was a time when you were happily planning your life with that person forever. And something that meant that much can't ever just be a nothing. Because it's a lie.

And I suppose I hurt for him, too, sometimes. I don't know w
hether you met your boyfriend when you was still with my brother, or a short time after, but I know that he hurt for a really long time, and the fact that you moved on so quickly just makes me feel bad for Matt because I remember seeing him heartbroken for the first time, and that's something I can never just forget.

No comments:

Post a Comment