Sunday, 24 April 2011

Three Words that Kill.

Which is worse; Unrequited love, or forbidden love?
Which hurts more; Falling in love, and knowing that person d
oesn't love you back, or falling in love with someone and knowing they do?
What's more heartbreaking; Knowing however much you love them they won't love you back, or knowing that they feel exactly the same way, yet can't be with you?

In a way, as much as unrequited love absolutely sucks, you gradually learn to live with the fact that a person will always have a hold over you, no matter how many times you tell yourself its useless, that they won't ever feel the same way, that you're setting yourself up for heartache.
You learn to collect your feelings together and store them in some place away from the surface, where only you know they exist.

But forbidden love, that's the absolute heart wrenching, g
utting, love of them all. That's the love you hope to find. The one where you look up and find them staring at you and in that moment, your breath is taken away. It's the way they look at you as though you're the most beautiful girl they've ever seen, and that look makes your legs turn to jelly, and your stomach to a fleet of moths all playing the same rhythm of heartache. It's the way every single they do, every smile, every look, every action is with intense sincerity, that makes your heart contract with longing. Because all you want to do is reach out and kiss them. To feel your skin collide as your breathless mouths move together with urgency. And then you see them acknowledge her. You see them touch her shoulder as they pass, or ask if they can get her anything. You see them two pressed up against one another, kissing. And that is when you feel the, without a doubt, hardest feeling to squash, the pain.

And why do we allow ourselves to even consider being wit
h someone else s boyfriend? At which point in our lives do we wake up and decide to embark on the journey of a home wrecker? And at which part do they decide to join us in this destruction? Because forbidden love is never just one sided. There's always that dangerous connection. The fact at the core that you two people should not be liking one another, but you do. And it's as simple as that. You like one another. You find yourself wondering what it'd be like for him to kiss you that way, and to lean over and just kiss you. What it must be like to be intimate with this person. Whether they'd kiss you, and wish that every time he was kissing her, it was you instead.

But all you get is the odd brushing against one another as you pass ways. Or the secretive hand graze underneath the table, hidden from everyone else. And all your left with is the fact that you are the only person who knows what he really feels
like, what he told you. And you try to stop. You try to ignore them, to tell yourself that you deserve better than that, that you're over it. But you never are, not really. You will always feel on edge around them. You'll never be able to quite look them in the eye for fear that you'll see that intense desire that first made you fall. And because more than anything, you live in hope that one day they'll wake up and decide that it's you they can't live without.

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