Sunday, 8 May 2011

The Tragedy of My Life, sob.

"People always leave."
- [Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill]

Here it is, one of those tragically depressing blogs. In the words of P.Sawyer, people always leave, and I'm finding out how true those words can be. At this precise moment in my life, everything I'm used to is changing. For the last four years
, my life has fallen into this monotone routine. The days I work and the days I go to University have been the only real change, besides my various hair colour changes. Nothing major has happened, and I've just been plodding along the road, expecting things to always be the same.
The first change is work. Some of the people that mean most to me at work are leaving, and it sucks because they've been there four years, the same as me, when we were seventeen year olds starting out in the depressing world of retail. And this year, we'll all be turning twenty one. It's time to get out of retail, or be stuck in it for good. And three have already jumped through that loop hole in the caged fence holding you the
re; routine.

Sarah, possibly the person I confide in the most at work departed retail on Saturday, and today was my first shift without her. I had no one to ask, 'What colour do you think I should dye my hair? I'm so bored of looking like a c
arrot.' I had no one to appreciate the passing hotties with, or hide away in the corner and scoff a packet of starburst with. And I guess today I was jealous. Jealous that she no longer has no endure snooty customers who think they have every right to talk to you like utter shit just because it's you in that cheap nylon uniform. Even though I wish her the best of luck, I just miss her.

And then there's Charlie. For so long I felt like I loved him, was absolutely obsessed with him, until one day I realised that he would never be that guy for me, the one I trusted and felt like I could be myself around because sometimes I'm not sure he even gets me. But I love that I'm still connected to him in some way, by going to work I have to see him, and I secretly like that, deep down. But now that's gone, and its sad because in a way, I'm not sure I'll ever really see him anymore after his last shift.

And then there's Matt, the brother. For the last twenty years,
he's been a part of my every day life. We came home from school together, we'd fight over the computer back when it was 1p a minute and facebook wasn't yet invented and MSN was all the rage. And now he's still here when I get home from work. Sometimes we pass one another with the odd insult like, 'I will beat you up, you shitfuck.' But always with a smile.
And now he's going to Thailand for two months. Everything is booked, ready and waiting. He's finally doing what he's been wanting to do for so long, a
nd I am so proud of him, yet there's a part of me, that despite longing to get my hands on his bedroom, that will miss him. More than I think he realises. I'll miss him because I always assumed he'd be here, in the same home as me until we were both rich enough to leave. But it's official, he's dipping his toes into the pool of real independence, and a part of me is scared that he'll come home from Thailand and that will be it. Everything will change for good.

So, at the moment everything is changing.
University is coming to an end, and after seventeen years of c
ontinual education, I'm finally free and it's scary that I now have to do something, I have no educational ties holding me back. I'm ready for the 'real world' so to speak.
Friends are stepping out of my daily routine, and will likely be replaced by people I can't stand.

But, because I don't want to end this on an even more depre
ssing note, I'll share with you another P.Sawyer quote.

"Every song has an end, but that's no reason not to enjoy the music."

To my friends, good luck.
To my brother, be safe.
To retail, you suck even more.

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