Thursday, 24 February 2011

So Many Dreams. So Little Time;

One Day.

It's a phrase we all use, or have used at some point in our life.
One day i'll stick to my diet and have a figure like a Vogue model. One day i'll visit New York and seriously abuse my credit card limit
with excessively expensive clothing.

One day . . . Well, one day what?

At nineteen, my ambition, my goal, was to secure an agent at Curtis Brown and to have published a book by the time I was twenty one. And here I am, twenty one in almost six months, and I have no agent yet, and a book that doesn't even have a first draft complete.

I have so many dreams, and aspirations, and to me, they all mean something. I will write that bestseller, and I will have an agent who truly believes in my ability to be as successful as all though writers i've admired over the years. I will own my own cafe in London, and it will be thriving with new-age authors looking for a secure, quiet place to pen their first novels. I will visit all of the countrys that I dream about visiting, but have only come as close as googling.

And I can't help but think, what if? What if life passes me by, and I keep pro-longing all of these dreams and ambitions, and before you know it, one day has already come and gone, and i've done nothing. Made no impact on the literacy world. Or my bank balance.

The speed at which life is passing by scares me. It's already 2011, and two months have gone. Soon, before we know it, it'll be 2012, and we'll all be sat saying the exact same thing we say every New Year. Where did that last year go?

I want to change my life. To really make something of myself. I graduate from University this October. I want to prove to all those that have faith in me that i'm talented. That my scripts will be turned into award-winning films, and people will be queing round the bend just to be at my book signings.

I have incredibly high expectations from life, and I know that it doesn't owe us anything. In the words of Hayley James Scott, we probably owe something to the world. But I want a lot, I admit that. I want a wardrobe full of LouBoutin shoes. Maybe the odd Jimmy Choo or Blahnik. I want to wake up every day and get some kind of fan mail. And I want to feel like I have a purpose in life. That I made the best of myself, and that I fullfilled, or at least tried to make my dreams a reality.

So tomorrow morning, before I can say one day another time, i'm going to send out my submission to Curtis Brown, and hope, pray, and cross my fingers that someone in Curtis Brown sees my potential, and has faith.

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