Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Dear Nan;

I love you.
And there is so much I'd like to say to you, yet I never get the chance, so here it all is.
You're the only grandparent I have left, and I don't know what i'd do if you were to ever leave me. I know you miss Grandad, and I know that sometimes, you see nothing to live for. Which is when I want to scream at you, that you hav
e everything to live for.
Our family is mad, I know. There's always some incident, or drama that we're all talking about. And sometimes we all want to just scream. But that's our family. Our blood, and DNA, and we just need to ride that wave, and accept that our family
is always going to make a lot of noise when we get together. There is always going to be at least one row at Christmas, usually over something trivial like gravy. And playing a board game is never a good idea, it will end in tears.
But there's also the fact you have 7 grandchildren who love you.
Three children who love you.
And Grandad is always with you, I just know that. He wouldn't be anywhere else, and know that he too, loves you, Nan.
If I could grant you just one wish, it would be for you to somehow see him again. To feel his arms wrap around you, to see him kissing you. And to hear him t
elling you that everything is okay, and that it's okay to live in this world without him.
Because he would. He'd want you to live, Nan. Without sufferance. Without this anger that I know you feel because he's left you. He'd want you to laugh more, and smile. And have one too many glasses of wine and trip over. Because it's those silly moments that make you realise you're human, and you're alive.

And above all, Nan, i'd tell you a thousand times in a row t
hat I need you. I need you to ply me with your fridge full of magnum ice creams. I need you to offer me the biscuit tin when you make me a coffee. And I need you to always be seven doors down from my house, always happy for me to just sit with you. And more than all of that, I need for you to talk about your history, your life growing up, and how you almost married a farmer, and how you have brothers and sisters you've never even met. Because once you're gone, who else can be there to tell me that?

So one final message . . . I love you, Nan.
Always and Forever.
And nothing you ever do will change that.

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